There comes a time in every woman’s life when, suddenly, all of her friends are having babies. The place that you live and the types of people you are surrounded by can also have a huge affect on this, especially if that place is in the South. Southern families tend to hold true to the traditions of their loved ones, a big one being to get married and have lots of kids. So if you live in Texas and are having difficulty conceiving, you are most likely finding yourself in the middle of a lot of conversations that are far from enjoyable.
Infertility is challenging enough as it is and facing infertility in Texas is on it’s very own level. For some reason lately, everyone’s favorite question is “when are you going to start a family?” You may be ready to pull your hair out and tell everyone to back off. Take a deep breathe, there are ways to power through this time that don’t involve going nuts on your great aunt or nosey nextdoor neighbor.
It would be wonderful if they could just intuitively know when they are prying into something too personal, but many of them think that is what being friendly is all about. In this article we will discuss handling these uncomfortable situations and how to keep positive while dealing with infertility.
You and Everyone Else
When your support system feels unstable and you’re feeling crappy about fertility issues, it really sucks to not know where you can turn. For example, you may find yourself in the position where your best friend is pregnant, which can be quite a challenge to navigate. You want to be excited and supportive for them, but you are also battling the unavoidable envy that you feel. It is times like these that will truly test the strength of a friendship.
Will you be able to consider each other’s feelings when having to deal with your own? The most important thing is to say how you feel. Do not lose sight of the fact that people cannot read your mind, even though there are times when it feels like they should. The only way to get what you need from your loved one is to ask for it. Be compassionate about where they are coming from, and in turn they will hopefully be compassionate with you. If they aren’t, there are not a healthy support system and you may be better off without them.
When it comes to your family and their everlasting dream of the children you are going to have, the idea is basically the same. Let them know how you feel or they will never know they are overstepping and just how sensitive the chord is that they are striking. If they do not back off, you have to do what’s best for you.
You don't have to cut them off, just find a way to get the space that you need. Keep in mind, they believe they are showing you that they only have your happiness in mind. In terms of everyone else in the world, ignore them. You have to put yourself first. Protect yourself and do what is necessary to get the kind of support you deserve.
If you are starting to feel isolated and overly aware of how this challenge is separating you from the rest of the world, it is time to make some changes. There are ways to get yourself back to a healthier state of mind. By rearranging some things, you can redefine the meaning and depth in your life that you are missing.
Embrace yourself the way you are and find the opportunities that are presented which will allow you to grow. Life will not always turn out exactly the way you pictured it, but that doesn't mean something has gone wrong. When challenges arise you can either choose to take them on and grow stronger or back away and remain afraid. Choose the brighter path and good things are bound to happen.
Continue to find joy in other ways. When you are focusing on your fertility it can start to take over your life. Don’t let this challenging time put your life on pause. Explore opportunities that will bring more color to your life. It always helps to change things up a bit, like learning a new instrument or signing up for a painting class.
Join a support group. This is the best way to surround yourself with people that understand what you are going through. Being with those that can validate your position is extremely empowering.
Focus on the health of the relationships that do matter. Preserve and nurture your relationship with your partner and other loved ones. Go on dates and be sensitive to how they may be feeling. Know when one or both of you may need some space or a break away from anything associated with infertility. Keep the communication flowing.
Keep engaging in the things that make you happy. Don’t forget about the things in your life that matter to you. You know what brings you happiness and purpose in life. Focus on keeping those things incorporated into your life as much as possible. This will help keep your hope and energy alive.
Approaching infertility is not easy, no matter where you live. Texas has it’s perks, but Texas infertility is a whole other can of worms. Don’t let the things that you cannot control get the best of you. Keep doing you. Find the support you need and let all of the other people brush right off of you. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and do what you need to do to be happy.